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I have moved to

http://anewfanglednicki.blogspot.co.uk/

I will walk 10000 steps

My day started at 6am this morning, don't no why but I was wide awake and puppydog was more than happy to venture out at that time and the park is lovely and quiet at that time in the morning, this was the first of our 4 walks of the day.

I spent some of the morning working on my workout area which is basically where the new treadmill lives. You can't really see it that well but the white strip is every single pound from what I started as at the beginning of the year at 340lbs - that is 24stone 4lb! and it counts all the way down to 140lbs which is my in my dreams weight. I put a little gold star for every pound I lose, 15 in totals so far. Above the numbers I have big and little silver stars marking every stone and half stone. I did one for hubby too but seeing as he only has a few stone to lose his is tiny and you can't really make it out.

 

Today has been a good movement day but a bad food day and I am once again struggling with slimming world, with the limited variety of food I eat I'm finding myself eating the same things - basically potato and baked beans in some form or another, the few superfree foods are being consumed in such quantities that they're starting to make me feel a bit sick so really not sure what I will be doing be the end of tomorrow. My 4 walks today have taken me almost 3 and a half miles and todays step count stands at 9479 which is pretty amazing seeing as only 2 weeks ago I struggled with 2000 steps a day and that was just walking around work, I am proud that all of the walks were initiated by me and hubby came on 3 of them but the early morning one I did while he was in bed.

I am now shattered as is the doggy who is asleep next to me waiting for me to close my laptop so he can for-fill his duty as lapdog :D

A few days to think

So since my rather depressing but very truthful last post I've had 4 days off work, a weigh in, a birthday and quite a bit of non slimming world approved food.

Saturday was spent delivering a table I sold online for £70 thank you very much, we delivered it to about 25miles away and on the way home we stopped at a farm shop and I got a mahossive sack of spuds for a fiver, as well as eggs and some salad bits. With my days off so lovely I have been walking puppydog 2/3 times a day and the route we go is 0.73miles and my daily steps were always over 5000, usually they are at 2000, 2500 on a good day.

Weigh in was monday and I lost 2lbs which isn't great for a first week but on Friday I consolled myself with a pizza hut and the rest of the weekend was full of snacky crap so it was a good result this week. I have decided to go back to red/green days mainly because I just don't eat enough superfree for extra easy to work,

Tuesday was my birthday and I did try and stay on track but then a cream cake appeared and some pringles sooooo not so good but we didn't go out for dinner I cooked steak which was devine.

I also treated myself to a new set of tefal pans, a pretty note book which i'm turning into a organiser/life bible thing and today I picked up my ultimate present ---- a treadmill. I am over the weight limit at the moment but I figure some gentle walking won't do too much harm and hopefully when I'm fit enough to learn to run i will be under the weight limit.

What I am & What I'm Not

In general I am depressed, sad, moody, unorganized,  messy, fat, difficult, paranoid, moany, lonely, unfit, often unkempt, lazy, indecisive, forgetful, untrusting, shy, unhappy, I worry constantly, I have no confidence in anything I do. 

how do I change everything about myself? where do I even begin? 

as you can probably tell I have an overwhelming feeling of disgust at myself right now because I really don't no how to change, a lot of the list is down to my weight issues, I can't physically do a lot of things I want to do.

I just want to be normal.

Satisfaction

It is oddly satisfying to have all your shopping delivered, have no substitutions and it all be healthy (well apart from hubbs cherry coke) and it should be enough to last almost 2 weeks which is a bonus as money is a tad tight this month, which unhappily coincides with my birthday :( oh well can't be helped.

Tonight I did something shocking, I made something from scratch - Chicken nuggets using smash as breadcrumbs and you no what they were delish and best of all I have spares for lunch tomorrow. Tomorrows tea will be a slow cooked whole chicken, mash and gravy, even the thought makes me drool.

I've decided on a strategy for the superfree because I don't eat a lot of veg (actually I don't eat any that count as superfree) I have been having superfree all day and then dinner without so it all balances out. So far today I've had a whole cucumber because I love the stuff, 2 apples, 2 bananas, loads of grapes and coleslaw -which is superfree. But I have bought myself much smaller plates than the others we usually have so I have portion control too.

I haven't done any body magic today and I've only done 2500 steps but my joints and hips are still so sore from walking the puppy dog on sunday, really need to try and do some tomorrow.

I'm still feeling really positive about things at the moment which is weird for me but I like it, maybe this time it is the last time.

Change of heart (diet)

It's only been 2 days following Rosemary Conley and I have cancelled my membership and got a refund. I just no its not for me - being the weight I am I realise I need something long term and I really can't be faffed with weighing and measuring every tiny little thing, I mean who counts the calories in cucumber? I had a chat with a friend at work who said that I didn't need Hubbs to diet with me, I had to do it on my own, on a diet I could manage for a good few years if not forever and only when I'm ready. Well I don't no if I feel ready but I need to do it before my ovaries dry up and my heart gives out.

So I plucked up all my courage, hoped on Dink (my bicycle) and pedalled down to my slimming world group to grovel to my consultant for giving up. She was lovely and of course welcomed me back with open arms and  I didn't have to go through another new member talk she just gave me a new book and card, which I am eternally thankful for as i hate those things.

So anyway according to my new weigh in I am 23 stone 6lbs so significantly less than my scales say. I need to get some menus planned and most importantly some food shopping

THANK GOD IT'S PAYDAY TOMORROW

Tomorrow is a brand new start

I did something I don't do very often, at 6.30am I took puppy-dog for a walk (just to clarify hubbs usually takes him because I can't walk very far) went just over 0.7miles and it was lovely, very quiet and sunny only downside is I've been in pain for the rest of the day but I guess it will only get better.

My plan was to start the diet today but there was some stuff in the fridge that wasn't very diet friendly and I didn't want to waste it, but I haven't really picked today, just had my meals and didn't eat a lot of them anyway so that's a good thing.

Back to work tomorrow for the first time in 2 weeks, I was really nervous about going back as one of the ladies there can be well odd, nice but not, hard to explain really, but I got an email from my boss to say she'd taken the week off so my stress levels have mellowed out a tad, not completely because I'm a bit worried she's stitched me up while i've been away, we shall see tomorrow.

I need to sort out a way to organise myself, I am the first to admit I don't do a lot around the house - mainly because I just can't do much for long periods of time (I can't stand to do the washing up) and a little bit because I'm lazy so I thought If I wrote everything down It would motivate me a bit more and my pretty filofax has been collecting dust since I got my early birthday present - an Ipad mini, I love having everything synced on my calender but hate carrying it around incase it gets stolen.